


Born To Be Yours

by supernaturalbook



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (for gadreel's chapers), (for reader), Angel Wings, Angel/Human Relationships, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Depression, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Guilt, Loss of Grace, POV Alternating, POV Second Person, POV Third Person, Porn with Feelings, Post-Season/Series 09, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rebirth, Regained Grace, Resurrection, Romantic Soulmates, Season/Series 09, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Sacrifice, Self-Worth Issues, Smut, Songfic, Soul Bond, Soulmates, Suicidal Thoughts, Tragic Romance, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, first chapters are set during mostly canon season 09, teen audiences up until the last chapter basically, then set a few months after the finale
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-09-24 12:58:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17101022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernaturalbook/pseuds/supernaturalbook
Summary: [Targeted towards female reader] [Inspired by many Imagine Dragons songs] She knew it was a bad idea to become so close to the angel her brother figures had seen as an enemy. She was sure nothing good could come from a relationship- whether platonic or romantic- between them. But she felt a pull connecting her to this man, and she complied without even trying to think of the outcome.





	1. The River/Next To Me

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the songs "The River" and "Next to Me" by Imagine Dragons.

You’d been scared of him the first time you met. In your defense, everything that day was scary. Sam was nearly dead, Dean was in a state of desperation, and Cas was nowhere to be found. You’d never seen them all so hopeless. You were watching Sam in the hospital when Dean had stormed in, a strange man behind him. The man eyed you curiously, as you did the same to him, wondering who this man was that Dean allowing to see his brother. Something seemed off about him- the way he held himself, maybe, as if his body wasn’t his own. You’d seen it before, and even more often recently. 

Angel.

“Who’s this?” You’d asked with a bit too much hostility, blade gripped tightly in your hand. Dean came up next to you, the strange man standing across the bed from you, close to Sam-too close for your comfort. He was watching you with intense, confused eyes. About what, you weren’t sure.

“This is Ezekiel. He's an angel who wants to help us.” You eyed the man- Ezekiel- up and down. His vessel was tall and strongly built behind his hoodie and leather jacket, with a perfectly sculpted jawline, and you wondered if the man had had a family before this angel decided to use him. But that didn’t matter right now.

“How do you plan on doing that?” Your eyes never left his pale green ones. 

“I can heal him. What strength I have left, I offer to him.” 

He’d held through with his promise, though different methods had to be used than he had originally meant. Through angelic possession, Sam was back to mostly well again, despite the fact that there was an angel catching a ride in him. Though Dean was still hesitant about trusting him completely, you had a strange relationship with him. It was odd that he was in Sam's body, but something about him captivated you. It wasn't often that you had an ally in an angel other than Cas, and you wanted to know more about his history. Every now and then he would “override” Sam and talk with you personally, which at first you had found a bit unnerving, but eventually found it a comfort. He would come to you when he felt that no one else would listen, and eventually he had come to you with something too big for you to carry the burden of knowing alone.

“I am not who I said I am.” He had told you one night after finding you alone in the library.With those words, you weren't sure if you could trust this man anymore. He had lied. But, at the same time, he had healed Sam almost completely, and was telling you, so he obviously felt regret. Despite that, you told him the truth.

“You’re not Zeke?” he had only looked down shamefully. And ashamed he should be. “I can’t keep this from the boys, you know. And they won’t be happy.” He nodded solemnly, knowing he’d pay for his mistakes.

“Sam will eject me.” 

“Is he strong enough to go on his own?”

“I believe he is.” The conversation had ended there, but only a few days later, you had found him in the library, with Kevin crumpled- dead- on the ground in front of him and Dean being held back. The angel looked towards you with Sam’s sad eyes walked out. After Dean was informed on “Ezekiel”’s true identity, he had been less than happy with you for not telling him earlier, and did not hesitate to get the angel out of his brother. 

The next time you saw him you knew him by the name “Gadreel”. You knew nothing of him except for the story Cas had told you. He was the angel who had led humanity to damnation and had spent time in Heaven’s prison as punishment for his mistake. Something so tragic and painful about his past made you feel bad for him, so when you found that Dam and Dean had him locked in the dungeon to be “interrogated”, you knew you had to go see him. Surely he couldn’t be faring well in those circumstances, having just gotten out of a prison. 

You chose an afternoon when Sam and Dean were away, and you were left to make sure nothing happened at the bunker. Then you took the short walk from your room to the dungeon he was being held in, holding a towel and a small bowl of water and taking a deep breath to steady yourself before opening the door. You didn’t know what to expect; you knew how the boys could be when it came to interrogating who they believed was the bad guy. He sat in the center of the room inside a circle of sigils, hands cuffed behind his back so that there was no possible way for him to escape. He had the same vessel as the first time you'd met, and though it was nice to see him in a skin other than Sam’s, you wished the circumstances were different.

There was a cut across his cheek, his forehead bloodied- although you couldn’t see the source- a large cut in his arm, and blood dripping from his nose and lip. His shoulders were sagging, as was his head. You can still remember how his head lifted oh so weakly to see who was there to serve him pain this time, only to looked confused when he saw you. 

“(Y/N)?” It surprised you that he could remember your name. You stepped towards him carefully, as if he were a hurt animal, worried you were going to inflict pain. “Why are you here? We were not in the best of situations last time we saw each other. Are you here to do your own damage like the other two?” his voice had taken on a bitterness that you didn't want to hear. Such a beautiful voice shouldn't be used for crying out in pain. 

“No. I don't want to hurt you.” you spoke softly and he seemed to relax only a fraction. “What are they doing? Are they questioning you? Or just hurting you?”

“They are dealing me what I deserve.” 

“So they're just using you as a punching bag.” Gadreel hesitated, looking aside. “You don't deserve this. I don't think you do. Even after… what you did in the past. And what you did… to Kevin.” you shook your head. It was bad, but you've done bad too. “I trust you. There's just something about you...” Gadreel's eyebrows furrowed, as if confused as to why you would trust him. You yourself couldn’t explain it. You just had a feeling, something pulled you to him.“Do you trust me?” He didn't hesitate for even a moment before answering, the same confused look on his face. 

“I trust you.” You smiled and stepped across the trap, circling behind his chair and uncuffing his hands. He didn't move for a bit, as if unsure that it had been done. But when you stepped around his chair again to grab the towel you brought with you, he had brought his hands in front of him, eyeing them curiously before glancing up at you. “Why?” You'd only responded with a simple shrug and a smile. 

You squeezed the water out of the towel and knelt between his knees, bringing his face down towards you. You brought the damp towel to his face and gently dabbed away the blood, careful not to worsen the cuts and aware that he was watching you during this strangely intimate moment.You did the same to the cuts on his arm, and even more gently across his busted lip. As you helped him heal, you couldn't help but imagine the physical parts of him you couldn't see. Were his wings even usable after so much torture and the fall? Would they ever be again? After his wounds were properly cleaned, you stood up, holding out your hand to the broken angel before you. He eyed it hesitantly, before reaching his own out and wrapping it around yours delicately. “I need to show you something.” 

That was the day you had first showed him something you had kept secret for the longest time. Outside the bunker there was a large woods, and, unbeknownst to the boys, there were some amazing things back there. A long time ago, you had found the most beautiful part of the woods. You'd often go there to sit and think when things become too stressful or when you needed away time from the boys. There was a small clearing with intertwining paths, surrounded not with grass or weeds, but with the most beautiful array of flowering plants and blossoming trees you'd ever seen. The flowers were not simple just wildflowers, but roses and other flowers that seemed like they were planted there intentionally. Small goldenrod and marigold speckled the ground as if they had fallen from the sun itself and the barrier of trees cut this garden off from the outside world, save for the blue sky above it. Gadreel said nothing during the walk until you had spoken up.

“This is my favorite place to go. I thought you would like it.” You watched as he looked around, eyes full or awe and a glimmer of what looked like nostalgia. Compared to what he had just come out of in the bunker’s “dungeon”, this setting was bursting with colors and full of life. He reached out and placed his fingertips gently on the edge of a flower, watching the dewdrops trickle off the petals and onto his hand. 

“This is absolutely beautiful. It reminds me of my home.” For the first time since you've met him, you saw a small smile grace his lips. His smile was absolutely beautiful. Your heart fluttered in your chest as you watched the look on his face as he listened intently to the birds high up in the trees. 

“Come on, I haven't even shown you the best part.” You pulled on his hand and he followed you past the tiny, dewdrop-covered, blue flowers at your feet, making sure to walk slowly to let him take in the stunning surroundings. You turned past a row of bushes, and a large tree stump came into view. Surrounded by beautiful bushes of colorful roses on one side and pure white lilies on the other, the tree stump was large enough for two people to sit on side by side. You gestured towards it and smiled to him. “I come out here and just sit down and think sometimes. It really helps calm me down.” Gadreel’s pale green eyes turned slowly from the scene lain out in front of him down to your face.

“It’s good to have a place to clear your mind. Being in nature is certainly a good way to do that.” It seemed like an eternity as you stared into his eyes. This entire moment seemed insanely personal and intimate as you held his gaze with more confidence than in the past, his hand warm around your own. 

You’d wanted to open your mouth and tell him how you were sorry that you hadn’t spoken since he was cast out of Sam, even if you'd prayed to him multiple times. How you wished you would have tried to find him and how you wanted to make it up to him. Even now, you remember the feeling of the moment being broken, and the devastating drop of your heart when you heard your phone chime from your pocket. You pulled it out, not wanting to open the message in fear that it held news of a tragedy Sam or Dean were facing. Swallowing your fear, you opened the text and breathed a sigh of relief, before realizing what it meant. 

Hey, heading home. Be there in 10. Somehow, it was almost as bad. 

“Is something wrong?” You didn’t even look back up at him, face still heated because of the moment you’d just shared together. 

“We have to go.” You dropped his hand and rushed out of the garden and back to the bunker. You heard Gadreel’s footsteps behind you, keeping up with ease. You were surprised at how he followed you so easily with no explanation, although he must have knew he was only going back into his handcuffs in the dark room. Maybe he understood that if he didn’t get back to where he was when the boys left, both of you would be in trouble. He was selfless like that. He would put himself into less than pleasurable conditions just so that you would be safe. 

In the bunker, he paused at the entrance of the dungeon for only a moment, but took small steps and willingly sat down in his chair and you hesitantly cuffed his hands, keeping them significantly looser than they were before. You couldn’t help but notice how he sat stiffly, hands spread out on his thighs as if he were forcing himself to look relaxed. “I’m so sorry about this, Gad. I really wish I wouldn’t have to do this. But the boys would-” 

“I understand.” His voice was slightly strained, and you knew he didn’t want to be in those chains. “But would they not realize that my wounds are cleaned?” That was true. They were very observant, and, though the cut itself was still there, the blood had been wiped away. “They will find out you have been in here.” You shook your head, looking for anything to disguise the fact that your helped him. The only way you could think of was to hurt him again yourself, and you couldn’t bring yourself to do that. But then you noticed an angel blade on the desk behind you and stepped over to picked it up. You approached Gadreel cautiously, and he seemed to believe you were going to cut him, focusing his eyes on the blade and lifting his head in an almost defensive way. Instead, you lifted the blade and dragged it through your palm, swallowing back a hiss of pain as it drew blood. Gadreel frowned and seemed to switch into protective mode, suddenly concerned for your well-being. “What are you doing?”

“I won’t hurt you, Gadreel.” He didn’t say anything, and you figured his mind had been eased, so you picked up your hand and wiping the blood over his cheek in the same pattern you remembered from earlier, internally thanking your near-photogenic memory. Before he could respond, you heard the rumble of the Impala from the garage through the opened door of the dungeon. “I’m so sorry.” You looked at him apologetically one last time before closing the door and heading out to see the boys. You’d never forget the look on his face as you closed the door behind you.

 

The next time you could return was a few days later. You wished you could see him earlier, but often found yourself subconsciously praying to him and trying your best to filter your thoughts when Cas was near, knowing he would be able to hear what you're thinking. Luckily, it only took a couple days before Sam and Dean had decided on taking up another case. They'd asked you to come along, but you claimed that you weren't feeling well, and so they left, asking if you were sure you'd be alright alone in the bunker with a “rogue angel”. You insisted you knew what to do. 

As soon as they left, you rushed down the hall and to the bookshelf that hid the room where Gadreel was being kept. You pushed it open as quickly as you could and let yourself fall to your knees in front of the angel, examining his new beatings and uncuffing his hands. 

“(Y/N).” He didn't hide the look of affectionate appreciation that shone on his face the very moment he laid eyes on you. His face contorted into worry for a moment. “Is something wrong?” 

“No, everything's fine. The boys just left. I'm sorry I couldn't come down here sooner.” Turning his face to the side, you wiped away some blood with the edge of your sleeve. 

“Simply being in your presence for a mere second of your time is enough to keep me grateful of you returning at all. I understand what the consequences would be if they found you here. I do not wish any harm upon you. I could not.” You paused, holding his gaze before smiling. 

“You're so selfless.” A small frown overtook his features.

“I would not say that I am selfless. I have done many selfish things. I’ve thought only of myself…” He trailed off with a far-away look in his eyes, leaving you to sigh. Something inside you hated to see him beating himself up like that. You stood, smiling a warm smile and grabbing his hand.

“Do you want to go back out to the garden?” His face mimicked yours, a small smile spreading across his lips as his hand gripped yours back. 

“I would enjoy that very much.” 

This time, the walk into the woods was not silent. You spoke to him in a joyful tone. You hadn’t had anyone to talk to, considering you were practically betraying Sam and Dean even by talking to Gadreel, and it was nice to have someone who would listen. He’d nod along gently, completely happy with simply listening and not commenting. You’d wished he would say more, but, then again, there wasn’t much he’d probably want to talk about. When you finally sat together, comfortably close to each other on the large tree stump, you decided you had talked too much. 

“I’m sorry. You probably don’t care about this stuff-” 

“But I do. I find human life a very… complex thing- beautiful, even, despite my… catastrophic errors.” There it was again. The tiniest sliver of his history, teasing you with only small fragments here and there. 

“What happened in your past?” The words came out before you could stop them, and you realized drastically how insensitive they made you sound. Gadreel suddenly seemed very put down, his closed eyes dropping to gaze at the grass below his feet. His hands curled into fists on his thighs. Your hands shot up, waving dramatically. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” 

“I understand. What have they already said about me?” You expected him to sound angry, upset that you would try to bring up his past, but instead he sounded pained, saddened. You didn’t respond, not wanting to bring him down even more. He looked up, holding your gaze. “I don’t want what I say to lead to a fracture in our friendship.” You frowned, but lay a hand in his shoulder reassuringly. 

“Hey, don’t worry.” You gestured to the beautiful flowers around you. “I won’t judge you here. I promise. This is a place to be happy. I just want to learn more about you, Gad.” You saw the look on his face soften the tiniest bit at the affectionate nickname.

“(Y/N), I… at the beginning, I was the most trusted angel. When my father first created the Garden, he put me in charge of guarding it.” 

“The Garden? Of Eden?” You quickly shut your mouth, noticing you interrupted him. You felt him tense up beside you, and he looked ahead with a small nod. “Sorry for interrupting.”

“I was supposed to protect them. But let the serpent in, and it caused the corruption of His greatest creation.” His voice dropped lower, a dark look taking over his face. You could tell where this was going, and you didn’t want him to have to relive these dark memories. You reached out gently and placed a hand on his own. He looked at the kind gesture with a small smile. “I have paid for my mistakes. Up until the fall, I had spend all of time sentenced to Heaven’s prison.” 

“Were you..?” Without continuing, you knew by the broken look on his face that it was true. 

“I was dealt only what I deserved.” 

“But you didn’t deserve it. You were manipulated, you didn’t do it on purpose!” You felt your voice rising. 

“I am still to blame for humanity's corruption-”

“No!” He looked up, shocked at the firmness of your voice. You took a deep breath, calming yourself down. “I hate hearing you put yourself down like that. Most of the things I’ve seen you do since we’ve met were in someone else’s favor. And all you do is say that everything bad is your fault.” You stood up, gesturing at the beautiful scenery around you. “Look. The world isn’t as bad as it seems. You just need to reach out and try to find the good in everything” You grabbed his hands and pulled him up to stand next to you. He towered above you by many, many inches, looking down at you with confusion. “Tell me about all the good things you’ve done.” 

“I... “ He looked around, a small smile finally forming on his lips. “I helped create flowers.” 

“Woah.” You watched the look in his eyes as he looked around. “See, that’s… wow, really?” He glanced back at you, suddenly seeming much more happy than before. 

“While I was in the Garden before... everything happened, I would spend every free moment I had creating new flowers. Each one with a different meaning.” His fingers danced over one of the beautiful white lilies. “Purity. Innocence.” His eyes turned to your face for a moment, gazing over you gently. 

“That’s actually really awesome, Gad. I love flowers.” 

“Really?” His eyes lit up, as if he was amazed that you shared a common interest. “What is your favorite?” You laughed, looking around.

“I’m not sure. I really do like lilies.” You motioned over to the pure white flower whose petals Gadreel was unconsciously stroking with the pads of his fingers. He let a small smile grace his features, before it was quickly overtaken by a more serious look. 

“I can talk of the etymology and language behind flowers another day. Right now, I must ask you- why are you treating me with such kindness?” 

“That’s… that’s a stupid question. Why wouldn’t I?” 

“After everything I’ve done to your friends, they have turned on me. Yet you stay by my side when they urge you not to. You harmed yourself in order to keep it a secret that we’ve been meeting. Why?” 

“How many times do I have to tell you, you’re not a bad person. Most of the things I’ve seen you do were because you believed they were for the greater good. You’re easily manipulated, yes, and I hate that you are technically working for Metatron. But being manipulated isn’t always a bad thing. It means you have a lot of heart, a lot of passion, and you are willing to sacrifice things for what you love. You just need to trust your own instinct rather than someone else’s. Got it?” Gadreel was frozen in his spot, watching you gently with a gentle look on his face. 

“You are truly an exquisite example of human perfection. Effortlessly kind and optimistic. Able to look past the things I have done and befriend me despite the numerous times I have let you down with the stupidity of my own judgment. It is hard for most people to see past my mistakes and take the risk of standing next to me. I promise you with my entire being, grace and all, you will not regret trusting me.” You took his hands in yours as his eyes watched you with sincere thankfulness and pure tenderness. The world around you seemed to stop as you reached up and placed your hands on his chest in a much more intimate act than you thought it would be, corrupting his completely innocent actions. 

“(Y/N)!” The simple shout of your name put a stop to everything that was happening. You jumped back, shocked at the sound of the boy’s approaching footsteps. Your heartbeat- if it wasn’t already pounding- was beating erratically as you racked your brain for any excuse for you to be out here with the “prisoner”. You caught sorrowful Gadreel’s gaze one last time before Dean and Castiel came upon your precious, hidden, safe space. Dean lifted his pistols , aimed at Gadreel, before realizing that it didn’t seem as if he were kidnapping you. “What the hell is this?” Gadreel lifted his hands in defeat, bowing his head. 

“It was me. I tricked (Y/N) into letting me go. And I will go back without putting up a fight.” Your heart broke imagining what pain Dean would put him through after that. But what surprised you was that while Castiel grabbed Gadreel, Dean grabbed your arms in quite a hostile way. You were dragged roughly back to the bunker and, while Gadreel complied and stayed silent the whole way back, you fought against Dean’s arms the entire way until you were thrown on the floor in the dungeon, Gadreel already cuffed to the chair.

“Dean, come on! What’s this for?” 

“You know damn well what this is for!” He glanced up at Gadreel, an enraged and almost amused look in his eyes. “Do you really think we’d believe the whole ‘Oh, I tricked her into letting me go’? Because I sure as hell don’t.” He turned back to you. “You’re working with this son of a bitch! You’re probably working with Metatron too!” 

“She has nothing to do with Metatron!” Dean ignored him. The angel pulled at his restraints, trying so desperately to get out, not to hurt Dean or Castiel, but simply to grab you and fly anywhere away from here so that you wouldn’t be hurt. Of course, his ruined wings would not be able to handle that, but God knows what he do if he let you get hurt in any way.

“Dean, listen to yourself! You’re turning on a friend who has been here since this all started because of something you only suspect!” 

“I’m turning on a friend? You’re the one who is plotting with the fucker who murdered Kevin- one of your best fiends!I thought if I could trust anyone ” 

“Says the one who lied to his brother about an angel possessing him!” Your words were cut off by a fist smashing into your cheek. You stumbled backwards, glaring at him now as Gadreel’s hoarse voice called out.

“Do not lay a hand on her, Winchester!” 

“Dean, you’re fucking insane!” You couldn’t help but let your voice raise. “Gadreel was manipulated by Metatron. He didn’t want to do it for fuck’s sake! We weren’t plotting anything against you, jesus fuckin-”. His fist struck you again, and this time, your legs gave out beneath you and you landed on your hands an knees on the cold cement floor, spitting blood out of your mouth. Was that a missing tooth you felt? You glanced up to see the pure rage towards Dean that was building behind Gadreel’s eyes. 

“Alright, I’ll tell you one time. Go pack whatever the hell you want and get the fuck out of the bunker, you traitor.” He was giving you a way to leave, an easy escape. But when he didn't mention anything about Gadreel’s situation, you knew you couldn’t take the opportunity. You caught hold of the angel’s gaze and could feel his urging message clear as day. GO. SAVE YOURSELF, LEAVE ME. Nevertheless, you pushed yourself to your feet and glared at Dean.

“Only if you let him go.” You heard Dean laugh and look over a Castiel, who been watching Gadreel the whole time, as if figuring out what was happening in his mind. 

“Metatron wanted him back anyways. A trade.” Cas finally spoke up. “We can at least be fair.” Dean nodded towards him, and then looked back at you. 

“Damn it, kiddo. I never thought you’d be one to betray us. I want you out of here in half an hour.” You wiped the blood from your lip and stepped towards the door, still holding your head high as Dean belittled you. 

“And Gadreel?”

“(Y/N), go.” the angel pulled against his restraints, urging you to leave for your own safety. Too bad you cared too much about him.

“We’ll let him go.” Castiel spoke this time, and somehow you trusted him more than you trusted Dean. You took another step towards the door, finally exiting the dungeon with one last look towards Gadreel. It made you think. Would you always depart wondering if you’ll ever get to see him again? 

Would you always be so scared of losing him?


	2. Bad Liar/Born to Be Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being sent away from the bunker by Dean, the Reader reflects on her feelings towards Gadreel, while the angel faces a decision as to whether he wants the Reader or his supposed second chance more, and questions what he’s willing to do for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the songs "Bad Liar", "Born to Be Yours", and "Bleeding Out" by Imagine Dragons.

You had always seen the bunker as your home just as much as Sam and Dean had. When Sam and Dean had moved in a year ago, they had promptly called you, knowing the bad situation you were in. Now, you had spent the past year helping them on cases in return to the kindness they’ve shown you giving you a place to call home. You’ve grown to love the boys as if they were your own family, and now look what was happening. 

You remembered the first look you had of the bunker. Dean had called you the other day and told you where it was, asking you to come. You knew the very first moment you saw the bunker that you would come to love living with the boys.

“Come on, (Y/N)! You’re a bad ass hunter. We’d love to have you here with us!” 

Now, you were taking your last look at the place you called home, the back of your car filled with bags of your belongings. You felt as if, once again, you lived on the road. You reached for your phone blindly and clicked on the name that you knew you may not ever call again. You blinked back the tears as he answered, the same gruff, troubled voice you’ve come to love. But, he made it clear that you weren’t wanted there, so you focused on what you really cared about. “Dean, I’m gone now. When are you letting Gad go?” 

“We’re taking him to Meta-douche now. He gave us Cas back, so you can thank him for persuading us to do a fair trade. Why do you even care about him so much?” You thought over what he said. Why did you feel so drawn to this angel? Even before you got to know him, there was something there, you could tell.Whether or not he goes to you after we let him go is up to him. Then you’ll see if you should’ve trusted him or us.” You tried to ignore the bitterness of his voice as you hung up the phone and tossed it to the passenger’s side floor. You couldn’t stop the tears that dropped from your eyes as you pressed the accelerator harder, just trying to get away from there, hoping maybe, just maybe, you could start over. You couldn’t, logically, you knew. You couldn’t stop loving Sam and Dean like family. You’d keep hunting, definitely, not like you wanted to stop anyway. You’d never stop worrying about Castiel, and you would never, ever be able to shake the feeling in your gut when you thought of Gadreel. You thought back to what Dean said “Whether or not he goes to you after we let him go is up to him.” Of course he'd come back to you. 

Right?

Soon after you had left, the boys had shackled Gadreel’s wrists together and forced him into the trunk of the Impala. He could have easily tried to fight back, but he was thinking of you. If he didn’t fight back, he’d be free sooner. And the sooner he was free, the sooner he would be able to see you. He didn’t want to do anything to screw that up. Before they took Gadreel, though, Castiel found a moment alone with him. He knew, even if his brother was in the wrong, he was being manipulated by Metatron. He truly wanted Gadreel to come to the right side, for both his sake and yours. It was hard to see an angel so misguided as him being manipulated once again by the same angel who had tricked Castiel himself. “Gadreel.” He looked up from the chair he was still chained to. 

“Castiel.” His face darkened. “You are here to sway my loyalties. I-” 

“No, brother.” Castiel closed the door to the dungeon, knowing it was only a matter of time before the boys came back to get Gadreel. “I know about you and (Y/N). You feel drawn to her, yes?” Gadreel nodded, his face softening at the sound of your name.

“I do. I can feel the pull whenever I am near her.”

“You understand what it means?” 

“Yes.” a somber look over took his face. “For her sake, I wish it were not that. But there is something special about her, brother. She… listens to me. I...” Castiel couldn't help the smile that lifted his face at his naive brother's unknown emotions. 

“I understand. She is quite the compassionate being. She cares for you greatly- not simply because of the pull. I would suggest to go and see her after you are freed, seeing as she is one of the few who don’t yet see you as a bad person. She worries for you.” Castiel let his words settle in the fallen angel’s mind before turning towards the door. “I do not say this for your sake, but for hers. I urge you to listen to what Metatron is making you do, and rethink what you’re choosing. For (Y/N).” The boys had come in soon afterwards and taken Gadreel, throwing him into the trunk of the Impala. He couldn’t move, and his broken wings were in pain in the darkness of the small trunk. He couldn’t help his thoughts from travelling to the memories of his time in prison, and he instead forced himself to think of you during that long ride back.

That evening, Gadreel was back in Metatron’s office in Heaven, Castiel’s urging words still hanging over him. Metatron was speaking to him about the war in Heaven, but Gadreel really couldn’t care less. He hadn’t been able to focus for hours, and the last thing he wanted to think about right now was the things he had been doing with Metatron. 

“I have one last thing for you to do before we continue.” He handed him a small slip of paper with that terrible smile of his and Gadreel immediately knew what he meant. 

“Must I kill another? 

“This is the last person. I noticed they've been getting in your way. Coming between you and I. We can't have that.” Gadreel unfolded the small paper and swore his vessels heart stopped for a moment. “Hey, if you want your second chance…” Gadreel ripped his eyes away from the name. “...this is it.” 

 

After driving through sunset and for the next 24 hours with only short stops for gas and bathroom trips, you had finally decided you were far enough away, and settled down in a hotel with your small amount of cash and whatever you had packed into the car with you. With your body begging for sleep and the day’s stale occurrences still on your mind, you climbed into the shower and took a longer time than usual, washing away all the nerves and thoughts of the day. What had happened that let Dean and Cas know where you and Gadreel were? Why were they even that upset? Gadreel was the only one who listened to you. The boys were too caught up in everything else, and you just wanted to help Gadreel to not feel so guilty. 

You couldn't help but get worried as the night grew darker and Gadreel still hadn't showed up. He would show up, wouldn't he? You lay sitting on your bed, sipping a cup of coffee that you’d bought on the road, forcing your eyes to stay open just in case of the angel’s return. There was nothing you could do but wait or pray. 

“Hey, Gadreel. Are you there? I really do miss you. And I’m sorry about what the boys put you through. Just, don’t be mad at me, please.” Sometimes, you needed to hear yourself in order to see how much you really needed him. Tears blurred your vision, and seeing that the boys were nowhere near here, you let them fall willingly. You cried for everything that happened in the past year with the boys. Everything you had gone through. You cried for them, for you, and for Gadreel. 

A knock on your door interrupted your tears. You hesitated, not wanting to get up for room service of any sort. But, feeling a tug in your heart, you suddenly felt that it could be Gadreel. You pushed yourself up off of the bed, not bothering to wipe away the tears as your steps across the room quickened. The doorknob was centimeters from your hand as you felt your heart pound once again, forcing you to throw the door open. You were immediately met by a large figure in the doorway, standing still with a worried look adorning his features. He opened his mouth and spoke with a polite, gentle voice.

“(Y/N).” You didn’t hesitate for a moment as you stepped towards him, wanting to collapse in his arms, tears becoming vehement. 

“Gad…” You curled yourself into him, arms snugly around his waist. Your heart seemed to surge towards him, in a way you’d never felt with anyone before. You’ve been in love in the past, but those feelings had nothing on how you felt right now. It was as if your heart wanted to jump out of your chest and couple with his. Gadreel stood, frozen, and though you couldn’t see, his mind was flashing back and forth, considering his options. With your arms still wrapped around him, he stepped into the room, closing the door. Sensing the uncomfort in the room, you looked up to his gentle green eyes. “Is something wrong? Did they do something to you?” He gently removed your arms from around him, shaking his head no.

“Nothing is wrong, (Y/N). Were you worried I would not come?” 

“Well, you took your time getting here.” His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

“(Y/N), you know I cannot fly. I had to drive.” Oh. Your cheeks were lit aflame, and you were ashamed you hadn’t thought of that before. You felt so stupid. So caught up in how much you needed him to be here with you, that you didn’t even take the time to realize that he has to drive. “Do not feel unintelligent.” 

“Still, Gad. You’re a horrible liar. You’re even more tense than usual. Tell me what’s wrong.” He shifted on his feet, avoiding your red, teary eyes. 

“You are correct. I believe in integrity, so I have no choice but to tell you.” Finally taking the time to wipe your tears, you stepped back to sit on the bed, patting the space next to you. He made his way towards you hesitantly, and sat on the edge of the bed, hands spread on his thighs in a very forced looking way. “Sam and Dean took me back to Metatron.” You frowned. You wanted to stop Gadreel right here and tell him that that man was manipulating him, but you held your tongue. “They had me handcuffed in the trunk of their vehicle. It reminded me of… times I would rather not remember.” 

“That’s why you’re all stiff and nervous looking?” He sighed and lifted his gaze to look at you, only to drop it back to his lap a moment later.

“Metatron gave me a task. He says I must complete it in order to be redeemed.” Your fists clenched unconsciously on your lap. So that douchebag was still trying to get Gadreel to kill for him. Still playing him. 

“Gad, you know that’s not true, right? You’ve already redeemed yourself. You helped Sam, brought Cas and Charlie back from the dead, and I know you really want to help us! You don’t need to work for Metatron.” Gadreel’s lips tightened into a harsh line. 

“I am helping my brothers and sister get back to Heaven. After all the mistakes I have made, this is the least I could do to help them.” You only nodded, not wanting to argue with him right now. A short breath escaped his lips. “But, I am not certain that is what Metatron wants. And I… I don’t think I can do it. That is why I came to you.” 

“Well, what is he asking you to do that you started to change your mind?” Once again, Gadreel shifted uncomfortably. “Gad?”

“He’s asked me to kill.” 

“Well, you have killed for him before, haven’t you?” He frowned, eyes shadowed by the memories of the ones he’s killed. “Sorry, Gad. But it’s true. He’s a bad guy, and he’s trying to make you a bad guy too.” 

“Metatron said they were preventing us from finding a way to return to our home.” 

“What was Kevin doing to prevent that?” Gadreel’s face fell, he glanced around as if trying to think of an answer.

“Metatron told me-”

“No, Gad! Tell me from what you know. Not what Metatron brainwashed you into thinking.” He finally lifted his head and looked at you. The look of worry and tension in his pale green eyes worried you. “What’s wrong? Who did he ask you to kill now?” He didn’t answer, and only reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a small yellow slip of paper. You took it between your fingers and unfolded it. 

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N)”

“What?” It took you a moment to realize that you were the one he was supposed to kill. You stood up from the bed and stepped away from him, gaining distance between the two of you. You could only hope that considering all of the comfort you’d given him, he was going to allow you to live. There was no way you would be able to fight against an angel of the Lord, even if he was still not fully charged. He could kill you with one touch, just like he did to Kevin, and that terrified you. He stood from the bed, holding his hands up in front of him in a surrender. 

“Please, believe me. I do not wish to hurt you.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a sliver angel blade, causing your heart to stop momentarily. Seeing your panicked look, he tossed the angel blade onto the floor. “(Y/N).”

“You’re not going to listen to him, are you?” 

“Of course not. (Y/N), I need you to help me. I don’t want to work with him anymore.” He reached out, as if trying to persuade you to come closer. “Please, (Y/N).” You looked up and caught his even, begging gaze, suddenly not able to look away. The look in his eyes was not deceptive in the least. Where normally he’d guard his emotions and hide behind the tough exterior he needed to have through his torture, he was now letting all his feelings show. You could see everything in his eyes, and something in there pulled you into him. “(Y/N), do you trust me?”  
It may have just been the look in his eyes, or maybe you were just tired of not being with him, but you broke down, letting yourself collapse into his arms. You couldn’t stop the tears from falling as you latched yourself onto the angel in front of you. As his arms curled around you gently, pulling you into him and cradling your head to is chest, you knew, from somewhere deep in your soul, Gadreel would never hurt you. Every time you were around him, no matter the circumstances- whether you were in friendly situations or you were helping the boys to capture him, much to your dismay- it all felt so right to be close to him. Your tears seemed to lessen over time as you hid yourself in the warmth of his vessel’s body, finding comfort in the soft fabric of his hoodie. 

“(Y/N), can you feel the pull between us?” Gadreel’s low voice vibrated through his chest. 

“Yeah.” You nodded, sniffing through the tears. “What is it Gad? It’s so… foreign. It’s like love but stronger. Like… my body relies on you.” Realizing what you had said, you pulled back from him slightly, embarrassed. He caught hold of your wrist before you could back away completely. 

“There is nothing to be embarrassed about, (Y/N).” He let out a small huff of air, almost like a laugh. “I find it amusing that you are asking me to explain feelings to you. Often, you are the one to explain human emotions to me. You cannot help what your body feels around me. It is something my Father had written down in your soul.”

“What do you mean?” Something about the way he said God had written something down in you soul. “That sounds a little… scary, to be honest.”

“My dear (Y/N), this feeling is nothing to be afraid of. Shortly after the beginning of time, while I was still protecting the Garden, my Father gave certain human beings angelic counterparts. The angels were meant to watch over their human charges, and the humans are always meant to feel comforted in the presence of their angel’s grace.”

“Like, guardian angels?” A smile lit up Gadreel’s face for the first time all evening. 

“I suppose. But it goes much deeper than the human concept of guardian angels.” His fingers trailed gently down your wrist to grasp your hand in his own, and he knelt down before you with a bowed head in a chivalrous and almost knightley way. “We were supposed to see the humans as beings much greater than ourselves, to care for them and worship them more than we’ve worshiped our own Father. And so, he gave a very lucky few angels human mates, with whom they are to combine their grace with.”

“Mates? Soulmates? Why didn’t you tell me before?” 

“After all my time in Heaven’s prison, I figured that my Father would not allow me to have a mate. And when I first saw you, I knew I was far from worthy of being yours.” You pulled him up off the floor, placing your hands on his jaw to focus his gaze on you.

“Gadreel, please. You are more than worthy of me.” The tips of your fingers danced along his jawline delicately, a soft silence falling between the two of you. Everything that the two of you had gone through in the last two days alone was too much and you had broken down twice already. A day ago, before Dean had found the two of you and thrown you out, you had come so close to kissing Gadreel in a spur of the moment feeling in the garden, surrounded by the delicate scent of roses. But now, with the knowledge that God himself had meant the two of you to be together, you knew in this moment that you wanted to do this. “We’re soulmates.” You fingers tangled together behind his neck, pulling him down to you and lifting yourself as high as you could reach. Your lips melded together in a gentle waltz, heads tilted slightly and noses bumping together in a soft rhythm. In a daring move, you brushed your tongue along his lips, pulling back immediately and sucking in a quick breath as if shocked at what you had done. You took the moment to admire the beauty of Gadreel’s flushed face, counting the soft freckles that were sprinkled like galaxies across his skin.

“Forgive me, I am unsure as to how to perform these activities.” You smiled, laughing at his awkward statement towards the passionate kiss. “I assume by this kiss you mean you accept me as your soulmate.” 

“It’s not just the fact that we’re soulmates, Gadreel. I… well, I really care about you, okay? I’ve wanted to do that for a while. I guess I only felt confident know. Even when you spoke to me with Sam as a vessel, there was something about you. You’re… well, an angel.” Gadreel only tilted his head aside in confusion. “Okay, I mean you act how humans think angels would act. Not like the ones that I’ve seen, aside from Cas and some others. You’re… sympathetic. Kind hearted. Patient.” 

“I could say the same about you. You spent time listening to me when nobody else would. When even I believed I was not good enough, you showed me the good things. You tried to show me the right things to do. I need to thank you for that.” You looked down, face flushed in modesty.”But I never listened to you. I continued to listen to what Metatron ordered me to. I did bad things for him. It took me until he told me to kill the one I loved the most to realize the fault in his ways. I hope you can find a way to forgive all that I’ve done, and help me to become a better person.”

“Of course, Gad.” Gadreel’s face lit up with a soft smile and you pulled him towards the bed. He sat down gently on the edge, and you promptly climbed up to the pillows and pulled the blankets around you. “Come on, snuggle up in here.” 

“I don’t need to sleep.” 

“Just because you don’t need to sleep doesn’t mean you can’t cuddle with me.” Gadreel seemed unsure as to what he should do, but promptly lay next to you, fully clothed. You couldn’t help but smile, thinking that was such a “Gad” thing to do. “Hey, hey. At least take your shoes and jacket off.” He nodded quickly, as if worried he had somehow disrespected you, and kicked off his shoes, stripping from his layers of jackets and settling down next to you. You turned onto your side, wanting nothing more than to press yourself into the angel’s warmth. Instead, you kept a respectable distance between your bodies. “You’ve never done this, have you?” 

“No. I assume it is a way humans show affection?” 

“That’s right. I care about you, alright? I might even... “ You stopped what you were going to say. “Gad, I really like you, alright?”

“It comforts me to know that. It is refreshing to have someone to talk to after all these years.” He shifted slightly, bed creaking under his weight. “I truly believe you are a miracle, (Y/N). In all of my life, I never imagined that all of my suffering would end, and having such a beautiful human as my own was unimaginable. When I first saw you, I knew I couldn’t keep it from you for long, but at the same time, you deserved much more than what I put you through.” He reached a hand up to lay delicately next to your cheek, fingertips stroking the soft skin occasionally. “I feel I am blessed that you were the one created to match my grace.”

“Gadreel…” You could barely form words. “I couldn’t ask for a better angel.” 

“I hope I can prove my worth, beginning with my decision about Metatron. I do want redemption, but I realize now that he is not helping me. I will go to Sam and Dean tomorrow and ask for forgiveness. I want to help them. And maybe in the process, I can reclaim my good name.” You smiled and scooted closer to him, starting to feel more confident next to him.

“I’m so happy for you. See, Gad, this is how how you earn your second chance. Think for yourself, don’t let anyone control you.” 

“Will you come with me to persuade them?” 

“Well… I’m not sure if they’d want to see me yet. And I’m not sure if I really want to see them.” You saw his face fall slightly, as if he were worried he wouldn’t be able to persuade them without you. “Hey, you’ll be great. Trust me. Dean may not like you a whole lot, but Cas at least would probably trust you. They’ve all made mistakes, just like you. No matter how dense they can be, they should be able to see that. And if you do start working with them, promise to come back and check in with me tomorrow evening.”

“Of course, my light.” Gadreel nodded softly as your eyes fluttered shut for a moment, shyly accepting the term of endearment.

“Anyway, you should tell me about what it means to be soulmates. I’m really interested.” You could barely keep your voice from failing. 

“I will tell you about our bond another time, I promise. But now, (Y/N), you need to rest. I may already be gone by the time you awake.” Too tired to argue back that you could stay up with him, you nodded and curled into him further, managing one last sentence.

“I’ll pray to you in the morning, Gadreel.” 

“And I will hear, my light.”

 

Gadreel watched over you the entire night, eyes observing the steady rise and fall of your chest as you breathed, unconsciously moving you closer to him in the night, until you were practically on top of him and he could feel the beat of your heart echoing through the room. The morning came all too quickly, and he reluctantly pulled away, slipping his jackets and shoes back on and leaving the hotel room quietly as to not rouse you. 

The drive seemed all too short, and before he knew what was happening, he was standing before the boys, asking for forgiveness. He had told them his desire to help, but still they seemed unswayed, so he thought back to the words you had told him the night before, when you were trapped between the soft warmth of blankets and his body heat.

“You don't trust me, fine. I understand. I've...made mistakes. But haven't you? Haven't we all?” He noticed a small change in Sam and Castiel’s moods, but Dean’s face stayed as harsh as it had been. “At least give me a chance.” The boys seemed to exchange glances before Dean stepped forward, left hand out in a seemingly friendly gesture. The next moment, Gadreel was on the floor of the bunker, bleeding out from a large gash in his torso.

It all happened so fast. 

It was this time, a few hours away, that you had begun to wake up, still drowsy and hungover with the sweet memories of the night before. The sun was already up and, true to his word, Gadreel was gone. You closed your eyes, still able to detect his scent in the sheets, and let the words flow in your mind. 

“Good morning, Gadreel. I hope everything’s going well. I believe in you, Believe in yourself. When you return, we can go back to that Garden I know you love. Or we can find a new one. I miss you. Come back safe, okay?” 

With your words in his ears, he picked himself up while Sam and Castiel were gone, taking care of Dean somewhere, and dragged himself out the door of the bunker and into his car. He drove until he was sure he was about to pass out, and saw beautiful green scenery beside the road, flowers and grass that reminded him of his time with you in your garden, and the time he spent in Eden. He fell down in a patch of grass, blood pouring profusely from the wound, 

This was it. There was no way he’s getting a second chance, not with the way Dean responded, He may as well accept death with open arms. But that would only bring you sorrow.

He heard Metatron speaking over angel radio, spewing some nonsense about him being the new God, Heaven being temporarily closed, but that it was going to be worth it. It was then that Sam and Castiel arrived. Gadreel knew they must be here to finish him off. Immediately, an image of your warm smile flashed in his eyes. Oh, how he wanted to protect that smile. But instead of dealing him his death, Castiel healed him, and before he knew it, Gadreel was helping the two find Metatron. 

He had gotten Castiel to the door to Heaven, and was about to ask of the plan Castiel said he had, when the other angel spoke up instead. 

“Did you meet with (Y/N) last night?” Gadreel could have gotten defensive, said that it was not Castiel’s business, but his brother seemed genuine about it. It was nice to have a brother who didn’t despise him. 

“I did. And I told her. She was thoroughly pleased by the news, though quite shocked at first. It makes me happy that she accepts me. Though there seems to be something else besides the bond that I feel towards her.” Castiel only nodded, a smile on his face, as if he knew this was coming. 

“I know what you are feeling. Humans call it love. I’m sure you’re familiar with the term?” Gadreel nodded, though unsure as to what his brother meant by it.

“I remember that it set humans apart from other species. The ability to care deeply for one another.” He hesitated. “Castiel, am I in love with (Y/N)?” 

“I believe you are, my friend. And she loves you. She is your soulmate, after all. It is to be expected.” Gadreel looked off into nowhere, overwhelmed with his thoughts about you. How fortunate he was to have been able to fall from his prison and meet you in your lifetime, rather than any other century he could have fallen. He craved the human touched he had experienced the night before, and vowed that after this mission, he would go back and hold you again. He cleared his throat and focused his gaze back on Castiel.

“So, you said you had a plan... “

 

Late that evening, you sat up, awaiting you’re angel’s return. You were giddy with excitement, If he had been gone all day, surely it meant he had helped the boys on their missions. Maybe he wouldn’t even be back tonight, You managed to drift off, only to awake again when you heard shuffling around your room. 

“Gadreel?” Suddenly energized, you sprang out of bed, only to see Castiel standing there. “Oh… Cas? What are you doing here?” 

“Gadreel came to us and asked to help. He got us into Heaven.” 

“Great! So the boys decided to give him a second chance?” 

“Well, Dean was… not too excited about it.” Castiel’s face was oddly nervous, and you knew he was hiding something. “Dean cut Gadreel with the Blade.” This caused alarms to go off in your mind.

“Is he okay?” 

“I healed him… from that.” There were metaphorical red flags everywhere you looked. Castiel’s face showed unhidden sympathy and slight nervousness, looks that did not comfort you whatsoever. “He got me into Heaven, but they tricked us. We ended up in Heaven’s jail.” You couldn’t help but scowl even deeper in worry. After everything he went through there, there’s no way Gadreel didn’t have some sort of panic attack while he was there. 

“How did you get out?” Castiel sighed, lying a hand on your shoulder heavily as if as a gesture of condolences. 

“(Y/N), I’m sorry.” You shook you head, not wanting to believe what you thought Castiel was implying. “Gadreel blew himself up to get me out of jail.” You felt your heart drop to your stomach as the truth sunk in. “No.” You shook your head, willing the tears not to fall. You trembled in your spot, mouth open to say something, but words failing you. You knew the sigil angels had been carving into their vessels was irreversible once triggered. “He was a hero, (Y/N).” Something snapped inside of you, as if your soul was ripped from its other half, and you suddenly couldn’t stop the building tears, and crashed to the floor on your knees, a earsplitting cry erupting from your lips as you let the tears fall freely to the cold, hardwood floor of the hotel. Castiel knelt next to you, holding you back from collapsing onto the ground completely. You couldn’t stop the image from playing in your mind- Gadreel, desperate and afraid, running out of time, carving a sigil deep in his flesh with the intention of turning his grace into a bomb for the sake of his brothers and sisters. For the sake of humanity. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught a glimpse of a small sliver of yellow. 

“(Y/N), (Y/L/N).” 

Another wild cry of desperation broke free from your throat, raspy and pained through the sobbing. He may have spared you last night, but now, your other half was gone. 

And you wouldn’t get him back.


End file.
